It’s a bit messy…so what?!

Little Miss Gigli is napping. There is SO much to do around the house. Laundry is overflowing. Bathrooms need cleaned. The lawn needs mowed. The list goes on and on. I look around and feel completely overwhelmed by the fact that there just isn’t enough time to get it all done.

Then I look at Little Miss Gigli’s messy playroom…

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…and the shoes by the front door.

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And instead of seeing a mess, I see beauty.

I see Little Miss Gigli’s imagination at work in her playroom. I see both of my girls going out for adventures in those shoes. I see their childhood.

It’s moments like these that things start to shift into perspective for me. One day, Ziti and I will have a disgustingly clean, immaculate house because the girls will be out with their friends. Going off to college. Starting families of their own.

One day, I will not be tripping over Dusty the Airplane in the middle of the floor. One day, I will miss it.

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Note: Dusty is also a Lego. Super painful.

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Snakes on the Porch!

This weekend I looked out the front window of the house and guess what I saw on the porch? You’re never going to believe it.

Was it a really awesome package from Amazon? Nah.

A child playing hopscotch? Not so much.

Santa Claus? Nope.

It was … you guessed it … another snake!!

Of course there'd be a picture!

Of course there’d be a picture!

You must be asking yourself … is this Mama Spaghetti some sort of snake charmer?? Is she asking these snakes to approach her front porch? Didn’t we JUST hear a story about a snake!!?? Yes you did and it was a mere 3 weeks ago.  

If I recall, at the end of my last snake post I said, “I’m just hoping he didn’t leave to gather up some of his friends.” Well … that damn snake did leave and tell his friends us. He said, “Those silly humans! They try to attack you with brooms and cookie cooling sheets!” Then all of the local snakes laughed and chuckled and decided that hanging out on our front porch was the best possible place to be.

Ohhhh boy … they are wrong! You see … Ziti has gotten smarter and meaner. He’s not messing around anymore.

So … onto the story about our new snake.

Upon seeing this new snake I grabbed the camera to take pictures and Ziti grabbed the ipad to look up what kind of snake it was. Which goes to show you whose got smarter priorities.

While I was taking pictures and Ziti was googling a way, this damn snake just sat on the porch all smug for a few minutes. He then slowly slithered to the front door where we noticed a dead salamander had suddenly appeared. The whole time he was slithering his stupid little tongue (gah I hate snake tongues!) was sticking out. He made it to the salamander and sniffed it, licked it, flirted with it, whatever the hell snakes do. Then he ate it!!

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Like you guys would get off easy without seeing the snake eat the salamander.

At this point in time we realized that this was no boring garden snake. This was a COPPERHEAD!!!

A poisonous, creepy, gross snake was just hanging out on our front porch eating lunch. Not cool my friends.

Once the snake finished eating, Ziti decided that now was a good time to kill it. Now, I don’t want to hear no nonsense about how we shouldn’t be killing animals and blahblahblah. We’ve got two girls, one of which is a baby, and we don’t need a copperhead family hanging around the house.

Ziti armed himself with a mallet and a shovel. Then he went outside and beat the living poop out of this snake with the shovel. I think the mallet maybe accidentally got thrown at the snake. Didn’t really do much harm to him. The snake absolutely did not know what was going on. It played dead a few times and then Ziti proceeded to beat the crap out of it some more.

I’m sad to say that poor Stelline is perhaps traumatized for life now. Why she decided to watch this whole ordeal is beyond me. But every time Ziti hit that snake she jumped and seemed concerned. She claimed because it was so disgusting since you could now see the salamander sticking out of the snakes belly. And since the snake just ate, he didn’t even try to fight back. He was cornered against the wall with a full belly. It was the like The Perfect Storm and Ziti was a “goddamn sword boat captain”.

In the end, this copperhead that dared to come on our front porch ended up in a trash bag (double bagged!) and in the outside trash.

Tell your friends now buddy!!

My Salad is Staring at Me

 

On a daily basis I wonder what exactly is going through that brain of Ziti’s. There have been many moments in our 14 year (Yes, 14!!!) history where he does something and I think, “How in the hell did you come up with that?!” This is one of those moments.

Last night Ziti decided to make dinner. He made Fusilli pasta (yummy!) and salad. I walked into the kitchen and saw that absolutely none of the vegetables were chopped up properly. They were huge chunks that would be impossible to eat!  I said, “What is this called!?? The Cut-your-own damn-vegetables-yourselves-you-assholes Salad??”

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The angle I saw the salad from when I walked into the kitchen. Rather chunky.

My dear Ziti gently took my shoulders and positioned me to look at the salad from a different angle. This is what I saw instead.

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The salad was grinning at me!

I figured there are one of two reasons why Ziti did this.

#1 – He thought it’d be cute and that Stelline and I would get a kick out of it … which we did!

Or #2 – He really didn’t feel like chopping up vegetables so if he placed them in a bowl and made it look cute then we wouldn’t care … which we didn’t!

Oh … that Ziti.

Column down … It’s Just a Snake!

We had an adorable little bird build a nest on top of one of our columns on the front porch. It had been there for a few weeks and I was so sure that we’d see little cute baby birds poking their heads out of the nest any day now. Instead we saw nothing. As in no birds whatsoever.

It was two whole days before I realized that our sweet bird had gone missing. I found it strange that it would just up and leave so suddenly. It didn’t work hard building that nest for nothing. On that second day I saw something else lingering on top of one of the columns.

I saw the one animal that is absolutely not welcome in our zoo. Okay … maybe not the one. I’m sure there are other scary, gross creatures that I don’t want around. Anyway, resting on TOP of one of the columns was a slimy, disgusting, long, ewww, makes-me-want-to-vomit, horrifying snake!!

I could not believe my eyeballs when I looked out the front window and saw him just lying there like he owned our house. I dragged Ziti to the front window as well and he could not believe his eyeballs either. How in the world had that snake gotten up there?? And was he responsible for our missing bird??

He lingered up there for a few minutes and then he slithered INTO the column. Another question … how long had he been living there??

Ziti immediately started doing research on this snake (ah … good old Google). He concluded that it was not poisonous (I didn’t want to find out!) and that it was most likely a Rat Snake. He then looked up how to get rid of the snake.

Once he had enough information, he armed himself with a broom and began beating the crap out of the column. Is this what Google told him to do? The snake did not appear. And he would not appear again until the next morning. That little sucker had the nerve to poke his little head out of his hiding place. Did he really think we wouldn’t see him!?

Once he heard us or smelled us with his tongue or whatever it is he does with that gross thing … he disappeared again. Ziti went to work and I used the side door for the remainder of the day. I didn’t even want to make eye contact with that thing!

When Ziti came home he was serious about taking care of this snake. He put on some pants, a jacket, gloves, and sneakers. All he was missing was his beehive mask. Stelline went out there to help him. She sported capris and flip-flops. That girl has no fear! Ziti got a piece of wood and threw it on top of the column. He then harassed me to find a flat piece of glass that he could see through. Why in the world would something like that be in the house?? Instead I brought him the wired thing that we use to cool cookies on. He removed the wood and put the cookie cooling rack in its place. He looked into the hole with a flashlight and saw …. well … nothing.

That stupid, smart snake had gotten away before anyone could come face to face with him. I’m just hoping he didn’t leave to gather up some of his friends.

He's watching you!

He’s watching you!

Did We Buy a Zoo??

Ziti and I purchased a house 3 weeks ago, which is why my blog has gone down the pooper. It’s a wonderful house on a fantastic piece of land. Our backyard is full of trees and the house is plopped atop a hill. We have two decks out back which makes it perfect to watch the little birds attack each other or to witness a squirrel being a daredevil as it leaps from tree to tree.

Our location is a magnet for wildlife! Which has me wondering… did we just buy a zoo??

Our very first day here, while cleaning the house, Stelline noticed something glaring at us from one of the trees in the back. “Mom! There’s a raccoon in the tree!” she yelled. Sure enough, she was correct. A raccoon was lounging in one of the trees just watching us through the window. I mean she was seriously watching us! You’d move one way, her head would follow you. It was really cool but kinda creepy. It was as if she was plotting how she’d break into the house. I had a picture of her but I dropped my camera in the ocean (another story) before I got a chance to load it onto the computer.

A week after we moved in a bird decided to make a home on our front porch. She’s a silly little thing. You’ll come outside and she’ll sit perfectly still in her nest. It’s as if she doesn’t want you to know she’s there. Then all of a sudden she’ll just fly a way and go to the nearby tree to watch you. Ziti has been out on the porch for a few days now building the picnic table (yes, another story) and she’s just sitting there watching him.

We also have a cat that thinks she lives here. She’ll spend hours laying on the deck or in the huge flower pot out front. That actually drives me crazy because she’ll throw the dirt out of the flower pot. Grr! She also likes to bang her nose against the glass to try to enter the house. Little Miss Gigli will stand at the window and bang on it while yelling “DOG!” … we’re working on “cat”. I feel bad for the cat, but we’re not in the business of taking in strays. Plus, I don’t know how to break it to her that I’m allergic to her kind.

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The cat giving us the stare day and saying “Let me in!!”

Finally, just the other day, we found a frog in the trunk of my car! That little sucker must have been living there while we were on vacation. He tried jumping into our grocery bags when we were unloading the trunk. Stelline had to pick him up to get him out. She said he was the slimiest thing she has ever felt! Yuck!

I’m starting to wonder what other animals will show their faces? A duck perhaps? A pelican who traveled too far a way from the beach? Ohhhh or maybe a penguin!! I can only wish!

My Enemy … the Front Closet

Today I tackled this nightmare … our front closet (AKA: the meaniehead).

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I dislike the front closet. The front closet dislikes me. The front closet thinks it is funny to throw things onto the floor two seconds after I close the door. I can hear it chuckling at me and saying “Gotcha Sucka!!”

As much as I dislike the front closet, it had to be cleaned/organized. We are moving soon and there was no way that horrendousness was going to pack into a box. Of course while I was journeying through the closet I came across some stuff that made me pause and say, “Oh for crying out loud!”

The closet contained …

  • 14 rolls of paper towels
  • 12 rolls of toilet paper (and there’s plenty more in the bathrooms!)
  • 2 bottles of dish soap
  • about 892 plastic bags (more info later in this post regarding this silliness)
  • about 120 safety pins (leftover from a project involving Ziti and the creation of a Dumbledore costume)
  • 21 light bulbs (Hey! Don’t judge! They were free!)
  • 4 flashlights (one of which looks like a kitty cat)
  • 1 vacuum bag (Yep … our vacuum is bag-less)
  • 12 re-useable bags (Why am I not using these!?)
  • 8 notebooks
  • 4 binders
  • Enough pens and pencils to supply Stelline’s entire school
  • 5 reams of paper (okay, so I may have a slight hoarding problem when it comes to school supplies)
  • 2 Swiffer dusters (one for each hand, I guess)
  • 1 pan for cooking a turkey (don’t ask why this isn’t in the kitchen)
  • and a partridge in a pear tree (it flew out when I opened the door)

Now, regarding those 892 plastic bags … I save ALL of our plastic bags and fold them like this.

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Do not be fooled! I am not the mastermind behind this idea. I owe this idea to the All Mighty Pinterest. Folding plastic bags in triangles makes them super easy to store. Plus, it makes them easier to throw into a diaper bag for when you have that “What do I do with the poopy diaper and poopy clothes?!” ordeal. Also, seeing the plastic bags displayed like this further proves that I live at Target.

Anyway, back to the front closet. Here is the finished product!

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Yes, there is still a lot of stuff in there. But at least now I know where everything is located! This will be so much easier to pack into boxes. I just wish I had done it sooner so the front closet and I could have been friends.

Addicted to Free Shipping

My family has a problem with taking advantage of online free shipping. I’m not talking about buying little things here and there. I’m talking about buying HUGE items that we don’t want to transport home ourselves.

Example #1 – Ziti discovered that Target.com would ship a kayak straight to your door for free. He was in disbelief and over the moon excited about this idea. Ziti had wanted a kayak for a few years now. He spent many days out on the lake in his inflatable boat, longing for something that wouldn’t burst the second it hit a twig. So what do we do? We don’t just purchase one kayak… we purchase 3! Take that free shipping!

Now, here’s the dilemma. We live on the second floor. While I had dreams of a UPS truck showing up and delivering those bad boys straight into our apartment, I knew they were just that, dreams. So one day while I’m home by myself our kayaks decide to show up on a semi truck! And in that semi truck our kayaks were shrink wrapped onto a pallet. My conversation with the truck driver is as follows…

Truck Driver: Where would you like them?

Me: Umm… in my apartment.

Truck Driver: I’m supposed to just leave them on the pallet somewhere. It’ll cost you extra to have them carried into your home.

Me: How much extra?

Truck Driver: $90

Me: *Shocked look on face* No thank you. I’ll just get them upstairs myself.

As the truck driver said, he was supposed to just plop the pallet somewhere. However, he was nice enough to take each kayak off of the pallet and leave them on the front lawn. I fear he may have been laughing at me as he drove a way. He probably couldn’t believe that this little girl was going to attempt to carry those kayaks up the stairs all by herself.

Kayaks dislike me. They are heavy. They are awkward. And they don’t listen to me when I tell them not to bang into the wall. The smaller kayak (the one belonging to Stelline) was the easiest to carry up. I maybe brushed the wall once. My kayak was no picnic whatsoever. That pain in my hiney kept banging into the wall and was so heavy!! My arms were burning with pain once I finally got it into the apartment.

The biggest kayak (the one belonging to Ziti) is another story. I had pretty much come to the conclusion that I was going to set up a tent outside and camp out next to the kayak until Ziti got home. Luckily, my neighbor saw me downstairs just staring at the damn thing. That kind man helped me carry the beast into my apartment. To this day, he probably thinks I am crazy.

Example #2 – We just ordered a 50″ basketball hoop. Again, free shipping! Why not?! I was having flashbacks of the kayak experience and shaking in the corner as I awaited the arrival of this monster. I feared it would be the same exact dilemma.

UPS Dude: *knock knock* UPS!!!

Me: Hi!!! (I was being super nice so he’d carry the monster up the stairs for me)

UPS Dude: Is your boyfriend or husband home?

Me: No, he’s never home when the big crap we order arrives.

The UPS dude walked a way and he probably rolled his eyes because he knew he was 2 second a way from breaking his back. I did tell him to just leave it downstairs if it was too much trouble. Seriously, I didn’t want him to hurt himself!

He was able to wheel it up the stairs though. Man, I was wishing I had some wheels for those damn kayaks! Of course as he did this I said, “You’re probably wondering why these idiots ordered a gigantic basketball hoop when they live in an apartment??” He just laughed at me. I informed him that we were moving to a house soon so he wouldn’t think we were too crazy.

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Little Miss Gigli with the monster basketball hoop

I fear that one day all of the delivery men/women of the world are going to sit my family down and have an intervention. They are going to tell us that this nonsense must stop. Free shipping is supposed to be used for t-shirts!