Snakes on the Porch!

This weekend I looked out the front window of the house and guess what I saw on the porch? You’re never going to believe it.

Was it a really awesome package from Amazon? Nah.

A child playing hopscotch? Not so much.

Santa Claus? Nope.

It was … you guessed it … another snake!!

Of course there'd be a picture!

Of course there’d be a picture!

You must be asking yourself … is this Mama Spaghetti some sort of snake charmer?? Is she asking these snakes to approach her front porch? Didn’t we JUST hear a story about a snake!!?? Yes you did and it was a mere 3 weeks ago.  

If I recall, at the end of my last snake post I said, “I’m just hoping he didn’t leave to gather up some of his friends.” Well … that damn snake did leave and tell his friends us. He said, “Those silly humans! They try to attack you with brooms and cookie cooling sheets!” Then all of the local snakes laughed and chuckled and decided that hanging out on our front porch was the best possible place to be.

Ohhhh boy … they are wrong! You see … Ziti has gotten smarter and meaner. He’s not messing around anymore.

So … onto the story about our new snake.

Upon seeing this new snake I grabbed the camera to take pictures and Ziti grabbed the ipad to look up what kind of snake it was. Which goes to show you whose got smarter priorities.

While I was taking pictures and Ziti was googling a way, this damn snake just sat on the porch all smug for a few minutes. He then slowly slithered to the front door where we noticed a dead salamander had suddenly appeared. The whole time he was slithering his stupid little tongue (gah I hate snake tongues!) was sticking out. He made it to the salamander and sniffed it, licked it, flirted with it, whatever the hell snakes do. Then he ate it!!

DSC_0443

Like you guys would get off easy without seeing the snake eat the salamander.

At this point in time we realized that this was no boring garden snake. This was a COPPERHEAD!!!

A poisonous, creepy, gross snake was just hanging out on our front porch eating lunch. Not cool my friends.

Once the snake finished eating, Ziti decided that now was a good time to kill it. Now, I don’t want to hear no nonsense about how we shouldn’t be killing animals and blahblahblah. We’ve got two girls, one of which is a baby, and we don’t need a copperhead family hanging around the house.

Ziti armed himself with a mallet and a shovel. Then he went outside and beat the living poop out of this snake with the shovel. I think the mallet maybe accidentally got thrown at the snake. Didn’t really do much harm to him. The snake absolutely did not know what was going on. It played dead a few times and then Ziti proceeded to beat the crap out of it some more.

I’m sad to say that poor Stelline is perhaps traumatized for life now. Why she decided to watch this whole ordeal is beyond me. But every time Ziti hit that snake she jumped and seemed concerned. She claimed because it was so disgusting since you could now see the salamander sticking out of the snakes belly. And since the snake just ate, he didn’t even try to fight back. He was cornered against the wall with a full belly. It was the like The Perfect Storm and Ziti was a “goddamn sword boat captain”.

In the end, this copperhead that dared to come on our front porch ended up in a trash bag (double bagged!) and in the outside trash.

Tell your friends now buddy!!

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