Addicted to Free Shipping

My family has a problem with taking advantage of online free shipping. I’m not talking about buying little things here and there. I’m talking about buying HUGE items that we don’t want to transport home ourselves.

Example #1 – Ziti discovered that would ship a kayak straight to your door for free. He was in disbelief and over the moon excited about this idea. Ziti had wanted a kayak for a few years now. He spent many days out on the lake in his inflatable boat, longing for something that wouldn’t burst the second it hit a twig. So what do we do? We don’t just purchase one kayak… we purchase 3! Take that free shipping!

Now, here’s the dilemma. We live on the second floor. While I had dreams of a UPS truck showing up and delivering those bad boys straight into our apartment, I knew they were just that, dreams. So one day while I’m home by myself our kayaks decide to show up on a semi truck! And in that semi truck our kayaks were shrink wrapped onto a pallet. My conversation with the truck driver is as follows…

Truck Driver: Where would you like them?

Me: Umm… in my apartment.

Truck Driver: I’m supposed to just leave them on the pallet somewhere. It’ll cost you extra to have them carried into your home.

Me: How much extra?

Truck Driver: $90

Me: *Shocked look on face* No thank you. I’ll just get them upstairs myself.

As the truck driver said, he was supposed to just plop the pallet somewhere. However, he was nice enough to take each kayak off of the pallet and leave them on the front lawn. I fear he may have been laughing at me as he drove a way. He probably couldn’t believe that this little girl was going to attempt to carry those kayaks up the stairs all by herself.

Kayaks dislike me. They are heavy. They are awkward. And they don’t listen to me when I tell them not to bang into the wall. The smaller kayak (the one belonging to Stelline) was the easiest to carry up. I maybe brushed the wall once. My kayak was no picnic whatsoever. That pain in my hiney kept banging into the wall and was so heavy!! My arms were burning with pain once I finally got it into the apartment.

The biggest kayak (the one belonging to Ziti) is another story. I had pretty much come to the conclusion that I was going to set up a tent outside and camp out next to the kayak until Ziti got home. Luckily, my neighbor saw me downstairs just staring at the damn thing. That kind man helped me carry the beast into my apartment. To this day, he probably thinks I am crazy.

Example #2 – We just ordered a 50″ basketball hoop. Again, free shipping! Why not?! I was having flashbacks of the kayak experience and shaking in the corner as I awaited the arrival of this monster. I feared it would be the same exact dilemma.

UPS Dude: *knock knock* UPS!!!

Me: Hi!!! (I was being super nice so he’d carry the monster up the stairs for me)

UPS Dude: Is your boyfriend or husband home?

Me: No, he’s never home when the big crap we order arrives.

The UPS dude walked a way and he probably rolled his eyes because he knew he was 2 second a way from breaking his back. I did tell him to just leave it downstairs if it was too much trouble. Seriously, I didn’t want him to hurt himself!

He was able to wheel it up the stairs though. Man, I was wishing I had some wheels for those damn kayaks! Of course as he did this I said, “You’re probably wondering why these idiots ordered a gigantic basketball hoop when they live in an apartment??” He just laughed at me. I informed him that we were moving to a house soon so he wouldn’t think we were too crazy.


Little Miss Gigli with the monster basketball hoop

I fear that one day all of the delivery men/women of the world are going to sit my family down and have an intervention. They are going to tell us that this nonsense must stop. Free shipping is supposed to be used for t-shirts!


3 thoughts on “Addicted to Free Shipping

  1. Tell that to Overstock!! I use their free shipping for all our furniture purchases and well, amazon prime? I use that sucker for everything. I even bought birdseed laying in bed with that one night.

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